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Diary of a Greiving Mother / Motherhood

Physiology

Lightening flashed

Thunder roared
I groaned in despair
And there you were,
Still
Quiet

My body is looking for you, but you’re not here.
She is searching for you
I wish I could tell her that you’re not coming

She has changed for you, opened up for you,
She birthed you into this world,
Felt your weight in her arms,
Your warmth,
She has smelled you,
So, she is searching for you.

She has asked the heavens about you,
The tiny being that she spent nine months creating.
She is searching for what is hers, what was only alive inside of her
And I can not tell her that you aren’t coming

Formed in my womb,
Loved beyond galaxies,
Loved here on earth,
We were waiting for you

We were waiting on a miracle.

Now another day has passed and we have yet to witness it, so we have stopped looking.

I couldn’t forewarn my bosom not to supply the nectar that was supposed to nourish you.
There is no tutorial on how to sew my heart back together after it has burst at the seams
Because they were doing what they were always created to do, preparing for you.

But even though our hands are empty, our hearts still beat for you
And we look for you every day;
Especially on stormy nights

As for my body, she will realize that you aren’t coming,
For my heart already knows
















Author's Note: Physiology is the study of how the body and its organs work. Much like a spider being able to move after it's been killed, the female body still does what it's supposed to do after the loss of a child. My breasts still produced milk, my hormones still raged, my heart still yearned for the tiny human that it spent 9 months preparing to love. I mentally and physically missed my child, I still do.
About Author

Hi! I’m Geneeka! I’m a single mother of two, IU MPH graduate student, and a cohost of Ladies Night Podcast. I was born in Indianapolis, IN, raised in Hopkinsville, KY and made my way back to Indy after finishing undergrad at the University of Kentucky. It is my goal to empower single mothers to continue to find time for themselves and to continue to pursue their goals and aspirations.

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